Published October 14, 2006
We are on the window lattice,
holding throbbing hearts in our hands.
Moonlight-painted faces, as cold as
dreams twenty two thousand leages out of reach -
Adam and Eve revelation; we are
nude and plastered by the city lights.
He says that he feels daunted.
I breathe ice and renege faithfulness and he
said, he said he watches me while I soak
in emotion, in the words of strangers.
He said he wants me unpainted, he wants
my poetry - I said that he
I say that I love him.
Rose petals are not the wings of angels,
but the blood of demons covering our Jesus-feet.
We tred side to side on the balcony,
thunder flaps in the curtains and I know
that all he wants is to become fig leaves.
Cover me, lover. Crush me.
You never fail to hold me down.
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
OOOF, indeed. This was definitely beautiful. But could I expect any less from you? Anyways...
Perhaps hyphenate like so: "twenty-two thousand". Leagues.
Some sort of end punctuation after the first line might help, seeing as the transition between these two lines seems to be the narrator correcting him/herself. Ignore this comment if I am off-base.
I apologize that my (scattered) ideas involve mostly grammar. Stanza three is to-die-for.
... OOOOF!
Sometimes I feel just like that last stanza...
This was beautiful... I really ... Wow. I'm jealous. I wish I could write like this again. I love this, I love you Gummy *huggles* Oh wow...
Wow...